Latest Jokes

Did you hear about the two robbers who were arrested for stealing a calendar?

They both got six months!

They were dancing at the service club. He held her tight, his eyes were closed, and they danced as though floating on a cloud. Then the music stopped. "Let's go out on the porch," he said.

Outside, he took her in her arms and whispered in her shell-like ear, "Darling, I love you so. Say that you love me, too. I may not be rich like Sergeant Brown. I may not have a car like Sergeant Brown or spend money like he does, but I love you so much I'd do anything in the world for you."

Two soft, white arms reached around his neck, and two ruby lips whispered in his ear, "Darling, introduce me to Sergeant Brown."

I attempted being a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.

"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"

Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake. "I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."

"Wow, Mom," the young woman's voice replied. "I didn't think you'd be this mad."