Latest Jokes

I'd been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the text and was shocked to find out that it would cost me $96. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester.

"You'll get $24," said the clerk.

"This is insane," I protested as I wrote out the check.

"I know," replied the clerk sympathetically. "I've always thought that a person who buys a book for $96 and then sells it back for $24 should fail the course."

If some people said what they thought, they'd be speechless.

I told my kids I never want to 
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from 
a bottle.

So they unplugged my 
computer and threw out my wine.

My eleven month old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “Young lady, what are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.”

My wife didn't find it as amusing as I did.