Latest Jokes

My daughter asked if I could help her explain the concept of “modern math” to her youngest. I said sure, he just needs practical life experience and he’ll understand.

Just take him to the store, pass it a few times, then circle it once or twice before you pull into the parking lot.

The day after his wife disappeared, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced policemen. "We are sorry Mr. Smith, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the policemen.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Mr. Smith shouted.

The Policemen looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and
some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Smith said, "Give me the bad news first."

The Police said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning, we found your wife's body in the sea under the Third Mainland Bridge."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Smith swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The policeman continued, "When we brought her out, she had five fishes and three tortoises clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr Smith demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The policeman said, "We are going to bring her out again tomorrow."

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive!"

The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.

"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.