The definition of "mixed feelings" is watching your mother-in-law drive your new Mercedes off a cliff.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it... it was a shih-tzu.
What's the difference between a tree, a dog, and a lake?
Give up?
A tree HAS bark and a dog barks.
What about the lake?
THAT'S WHERE THE SUCKERS BITE!
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.