Latest Jokes

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building
program! The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the guy he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

The other day I was at the Barber Shop when a guy stuck his head into the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head into the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only."

The guy left. The barber turned to me and said, "Hey, Phil, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later, I returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

I looked up, tears in my eyes from the laughter and said, "To your house!"

A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular Scandinavian-looking young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So... you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached out for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there were screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and asks, "OK, now you finish?"

And once again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly purrs, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously -- screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiling proudly, and says, "Now you finish!"

"No!" she shouts back, "I Swedish!"