Saw a sign at a store that said, "We treat you like family."
I'm not going in there.
I had a girlfriend in college who was obsessed with counting numbers.
I wonder what she’s up to now???
"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"
"So you can all be really sad when I die."
The hairdresser stares for a while in disbelief at her customers greasy hair...
She then asks, “So, did you come to get a haircut or just for an oil change?”