Top 5 Signs that Gasoline has gotten way too expensive:
1. A gas station is offering a free car with every fill up!
2. Any purchase over a gallon requires a credit check.
3. Price is now in gold bullion.
4. Texaco now offering monthly payment plans.
5. You're excited to find gas at under $5 a half cup.
Mom: Son, why don’t you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs, and is an alcoholic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well, neither would he.
The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: "Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?"
Sartre replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".
Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working. A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream -- how about with no milk?"
Online Teacher: Johnny, you didn't complete the assignment I sent to your email box last week. Did you get the email?
Johnny: You'll have to ask the N.S.A., they read my emails so I don't need to. I figured if an email is important they'll let me know.
Teacher: Tell the N.S.A. they're getting an incomplete on this assignment and they better pay closer attention next time or they'll fail my class.