Marine corporal (at a party): "Do you see that officer over there? He is the meanest egg I have ever seen. He is an ugly sap of an officer."
She: "Do you know who I am? I am that officer's daughter."
Corporal: "Do you know who I am?"
She: "No..."
Corporal: "Good."
I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards, as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said, "Come on, Dear, let's get these out of the way."
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
"They're last year's," he said. "I forgot to mail them. Now let's go out to dinner and relax."
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships just don't work out.
What do you get when a stoner, Jedi and surgeon walk into a bar?
Blunt Force Trauma.