What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A desserter.
Little Johnny: "Why does it rain, dad?"
Father: "To make the flowers grow and the grass and the trees."
Little Johnny: "So why does it rain on the sidewalk?"
Floyd had taken his girlfriend on their third date and she had spoken to a nice-looking man at the next table.
"Is that man a friend of yours?" ask Floyd.
"Yes," she replied.
"Then I think I'll ask him to join us."
"Oh Floyd, this is so sudden!"
"What's so sudden?"
"Why he's our minister."
A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off.
"What am I offered for this beautiful bird?"
"One bean," bid a bystander.
"Two bucks," roared another.
"Make it five, Daddy," croaked the parrot, "and I'll give you a kiss."