"You ought to be ashamed," the father told his lazy son. "When George Washington was your age, he had become a surveyor and a hard worker."
"And when he was your age," the boy replied, "he was President of the United States!"
The lengthy recital had drawn to a close, ice-cream and cake had been served and the teacher was bidding the students good-bye.
One of the little performers had brought her small brother with her. As he was about leave, the teacher beamingly said, "Well Bobby, did you enjoy the recital?"
"Yes," answered Bobby, "all but the music."
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman.
“Anywhere from $2 to $2,000.”
“Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man’s neck and said, “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.”
“How does it work?” asked the customer.
“For $2, it doesn’t work,” said the salesman. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder!”