Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.

"Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."

"Fair to both?!?" exploded Mrs. LaMay. "I could have done that myself! What's the point of hiring a lawyer for then?"

Interviewer: "Congratulations on winning the lottery."

Farmer: "Thank you."

Interviewer: "Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?"

Farmer: "Nope. Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming until the lottery money is all gone."