Favorite this joke Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
From my auto mechanic:
"That part is much less expensive than I thought."
"I've never seen anyone maintain their car as well as you do."
"You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street."
"It was just a loose wire. No charge."
From my son's preschool teacher:
"Everyone misbehaved today except Michael."
"Michael traded his candy bar for carrot sticks."
"I wish we had 20 Michaels."
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt.
On one side it said, "Families are Forever."
And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start."
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year...and you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "Didn't I mention? We deliver anywhere..."
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