Tom: Did you ever see the Catskill Mountains?
Jerry: No, but I’ve seen what cats do to mice!
Joe: Every night I take two quarters to bed with me.
Peter: Whatever for?
Joe: They are my sleeping quarters.
Customer: Waiter, I’ll have grits, please.
Waiter: Hominy, sir?
Customer: Oh, a couple of dozen.
A grandmother sent her grandson a shirt for his birthday. The only trouble was that he had a size 14 neck and the shirt was size 12.
When the grandson sent a thank you note, he wrote, “Dear Grandma. Thanks a lot for the shirt. I’d write more, but I’m all choked up.”