The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.

"So, tell me, nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?"

An insurance broker, living in Florida, loves ocean fishing and decided to take his boat out for a troll. That morning, he was drifting about ten miles offshore and received a business call on his cell phone.

Suddenly, his rod bent double and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. This salesman was master of the situation.

"Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep
The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation!
So I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!!

I crashed through the ceiling, floated into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees ...

HAPPY EATING TO ALL, PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!!!