Sign at animal park:

Please be safe. Do not sit, stand, climb, or lean on fence.
If you fall, animals may eat you and that might make them sick.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep.

That's deep enough!

What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

An older couple were making their funeral arrangements. The cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. "You will have a beautiful view of the swan pond," he assured them.

The husband didn't buy it, he replied, "Unless you will be including a periscope with my casket, I do not think I will enjoy it."

Stella, 6, and her mommy were talking.

Stella: "I'll bet you can't wait 'til I'm a teenager!"

Mommy: "Actually, I can."

Stella: "Why?"

Mommy: "Because I like you being sweet."

Stella: "I'll still be sweet when I'm a teenager. I'll just have an awkward way of showing it."