If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?

A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one. After a while the husband said, "Do you happen to remember your wedding vows from when we got married?"

His bride replied: "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."

My family wants me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes...

But I can't quit cold turkey!

Down at the Veteran's hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors.

"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."

"Mine," boast another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."

"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."

"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.

"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."