John was dozing against a tree with his fishing rod in the water. His friend came by and looked at the line. “You don’t have any bait on the hook,” he said.

“It’s too much trouble to clean the fish if I caught one,” replied John.

His friend said, “John, you are the laziest man I know. What you need is a wife and a family.”

John opened his eyes and said, “Do you know where I can find a pregnant woman?”

When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became suspicious and upset. "You're running around with other women, aren't you?" she accused.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam asked, half asleep.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

There was a teacher who was shouting at his class because they were being lazy. "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you failed this math class," he said.


One of the kids rasies his hand, "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said.

A guy wins a big jackpot on a slot machine in Vegas. As it is paying out of the machine, but before the pit boss reaches the lucky winner, a haggard man approaches him and says, "I don't mean to disturb you during your big moment, but my wife is sick and needs an operation. Could you see your way clear to giving me $5,000 of your winnings?"

The guy says, "Well, it's all well and good for you to say that, and if it's true I sympathize, but how do I know you're not going to turn around and just gamble it away?"

The haggard man responds, "Oh, I got gambling money."