Where there's a will...

I want to be in it!

Words that mean what they sound like...

Counterfeiters: workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi," the man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife… spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise.

My boss asked, "What companies?"

I replied, "Gas, water, and electricity."