"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a goat.”

“How long have you been like this?”

“Since I was a kid.”

At a party an elderly lady was bemoaning the behavior of the youth of today.
“Look at the girl over there,” she complained. “I don’t know what young girls are coming to! She’s wearing boy’s jeans, a boy’s shirt, and that haircut is so boyish – you wouldn’t know she was a girl at all, would you?”
“Well, as it happens, I would,” came the reply, “because she is my daughter.”
“Oh dear,” said the old lady embarrassed, “I’m so sorry – I didn’t know you were her father.”
“I’m not, I’m her mother.”

Mother had just finished waxing the floors when she heard her young son opening the front door. She shouted, “Be careful on that floor, Jimmy; it’s just been waxed.”
Jimmy, walking right in, replied, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m wearing my cleats.”

A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman. He asked the policeman, "Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only one speeding."

The policeman replied, "Have you ever been fishing?"

The man then said, "Yes, I have."

"Well, have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman.