What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
My friend Mac didn’t think he was fat...
Till the woman in McDonald’s said: “Sorry about your weight.”
Customer: "How much are these tomatoes?"
Owner: "Ninety-nine cents a pound."
Customer: "What? The stand down the road only charges seventy-nine cents a pound!"
Owner: "Then why don't you shop there?"
Customer: "They don't have any today."
Owner: "Well, when I don't have any I charge seventy-nine cents, too!"
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"