Best Jokes

NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed. We hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything!
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration. His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"

"No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the phone.

His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. "No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says.

His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation."

"Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.

"Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually.

My friend keeps saying, “Cheer up, it could be worse, you could get stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

If the proverbial snake swallowing its tail ever finishes its mission...

Will it blink itself out of proverbial existence?