Best Jokes

At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. “My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.

“What did he get?" asked Bill.

“Two years,” said Tom.

A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning. First, he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot, then he would ask it be turned down because it was to cold, this went on for about a half an hour.

To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and very pleasant. So finally a customer asked, "Why don’t you just throw out the pest?"

“Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin, "we don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Two old friends met by chance on the street.

After chatting for some time one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me".

The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"

A woman goes to her doctor. She has a breadstick up her nose, a potato in her right ear and string bean in her left ear.

She says, "Doctor, can you help me? I don't feel well, and I cannot figure out what's wrong."

The doctor replies; "Well, you are clearly not eating properly."