Best Jokes

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”

“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike.

''Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.''

''Easy, Dad,'' the boy replied. ''I earned it hiking.''

''Come on,'' the father said, ''tell me the truth?''

''That is the truth,'' the boy replied. ''Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!''

Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non-plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it.

However, it didn't work much better than before. As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working.

"Did you get the green one, too?" he asked.

An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”