Best Jokes

At the Super Bowl party, Ken overheard two wives talking about their husbands and men in general. Then he heard the best quote ever from one of them....

"The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands, no matter how dumb he is."

A ditzy girl was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.

"Here, this is how you do it," he said, as he easily skewered the olive.

"Big deal," she muttered. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."

The flight attendant on the trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As the young man stepped forward, she playfully offered some to him.

He passed, pointing to the Airborne wings on his Army uniform. He explained, “The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.”

It's Black Friday and mall is packed with shoppers and Frank can't find his wife. He goes up to a very attractive woman and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The attractive woman replies, "Why?"

Frank replies, "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air."