Best Jokes

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.

Thus proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?"

The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and sinks into the water. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

Here about the kid who at 5 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting?

They say he later had a massive 'vowel' movement.

The Bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and said, "My daughter has finally returned my Credit Card to me!!!"

The whole audience burst into laughter. But one was in complete silence... The Groom!