Best Jokes

What did the "T" say to "here"?
"Are we there yet?"

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Santa!"
Doctor: "Your suffering from Claus-trophobia."

A Rabbi and a Priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Rabbi sees the Priest's collar and says,

"So you're a Priest. I'm a Rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The Rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Morgen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the Rabbi.

The Rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Priest.

The Priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a
worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It
writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor
asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."