Best Jokes

TO MY WIFE: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.

TO MY BANKER: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.

TO MY NEIGHBOR: My clown suit. He'll need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

TO THE ASCS: My grain bin. I was planning to let them take it next year anyway.

TO THE FARM ADVISER: 50 bushels of corn to see if he can hit the market. I never did.

TO THE JUNK MAN: All my machinery. He's had his eye on it for years.

TO MY UNDERTAKER: A special request. I want six implement and fertilizer dealers for my pallbearers. They're used to carrying me.

TO THE WEATHERMAN: Rain, sleet and snow for the funeral please. No sense having good weather now.

TO THE GRAVEDIGGER: Don't bother. The hole I'm in should be big enough.

TO THE MONUMENT MAKER: For the epitaph: "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."

Eating too much pi, can give you a large circumference.

Amos had been drinking with his friend Joe for most of the evening when he finally said, "I need to go home and face the music, my wife will be up and waiting for me."

Joe said, "Listen, I have a cure for the angry wife waiting for me after a late night. No more sneaking up the stairs with my shoes off. I drive into the yard and screech the brakes. Then I slam the door and stomp up the stairs to the bedroom where I enter and say your stud puppy is home."

Amos replies, "What does she do then?"

"Why nothing. She just curls up on her side of the bed and pretends to be asleep."

"Doctor Feldman! You better get into room 313 fast, the patient is acting bizarre!"

"I'm on my way!"

Entering the room the doctor sees the patient furiously tying and twisting pieces of rope together, drawn tight into a knobby mass. He seemed totally out of control.

"What are you doing? Stop that!" the doctor yells.

The patient completely ignores the doc and continues to loop and interlace the sections of rope in an intense, violent manner.

"Again, I beg you. Stop what you're doing. You're behaving in a mentally deranged way!"

To which the patient replies, "Say what you will doc, but I'M KNOT CRAZY!"