Best Jokes

A tightwad was convinced by a friend to buy a couple of lottery tickets. But after he won the big prize he didn’t seem happy.

“What’s wrong?” the friend asked. “You just became a millionaire!”

“I know,” he groaned, “but I can’t imagine why I bought that second ticket!”

A very exited mother asked her daughter, "Well, what happened when you showed the girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they all admire it?"

Her daughter replied, "Better than that, four of them recognized it!"

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.

"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.

"I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him."

"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.

"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.

"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Schwarzenegger.

He replied, "I'll be Bach!"

When Jesus went to the bathroom for the first time as a baby, that was the first time someone said the phrase: “Holy Crap!”