Best Jokes

One day I'm walking down a street and as soon as I walk by the pet store, a parrot says to me, "PUNK!"

The next day, the same thing happens. The day after that it happens again. This time I go to the owner of the pet store and told him what's been going on. He says that he'll take care of it.

Next week, I'm walking past the pet store and this time the parrot is wearing a suit. He says nothing to me as I go where I'm heading off to. The next day the same thing happens. The day after that the same thing happens. I walk over to the parrot and say to him, "Why aren't you calling me "PUNK" anymore?

The parrot quickly replies, "I don't talk to punks when I'm wearing nice clothes!"

Splenda Daddy - a person who tries to be a Sugar Daddy, but just doesn't have enough funds for it.

A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"

"No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise ...'"

Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences.

The first man said, "My wife was reading a 'Tale of Two Cities' and she gave birth to twins!"

"That's funny," the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'The Three Musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets!"

The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!!"