Best Jokes

During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. “You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!” The recruit takes two steps to one side.
“What are you doing, man?” Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. “I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant,” answers the recruit calmly.

Marriage is like a railroad sign…

First you stop, then you look, and then you listen.

Billy walks into class late. His teacher says, “Billy, do not walk into class late again."

The next day Billy crawls into class late once again. His teacher says, “Billy, I thought I told you not to come into class late?"

Billy responds, "No, you told me I couldn't walk into class late."

Guy: Excuse me, is your name Gillette?
Girl: No, Why?
Guy: Because you're the best a man can get!