Best Jokes

Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"

Why did the diet coach send her new client to the paint store?

She knew you could get thinner there!

CHARACTER DENSITY: The number of very weird people in the office, divided by the floor space
COMPUTER: A device designed to speed and automate errors
COMPUTER CLUB: Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error messages

CONSOLE: What one does to a "down" computer
CURSOR: An expert in 4-letter words
DUMP: A system programmer's work area

FEATURE: Hardware limitation as described by a marketing representative
KEYBOARD: An instrument used for entering errors into a system
LANGUAGE: A system of organizing and defining error messages
PASSWORD: The nonsense word taped to your terminal

One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."

"You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it. Otherwise, I won't know where to get off."