A chemist's favorite carnival ride is...
The Ferrous Wheel!
Maddi: "But you've only known the man for two weeks! You're not thinking of marrying him are you?"
Julia: "Well it isn't as if he's a total stranger... I have a girlfriend that was engaged to him for several years."
To show his appreciation to the community, the military base commanding officer held an open house. This included a free meal in the mess hall.
A young private was busing tables when he noticed a family leaving a large tip. "Excuse me. We can't accept tips," he told them.
"It's not for you," said the woman. "That's to help send your cook to culinary school."
In the daily briefing for the weather the weather man suggested with 100% certainty that the forecast for the afternoon call for heavy rains.
Assistant: "Are you positive, sir?"
Weatherman: "Yes indeed. I've lost my umbrella, I got my car washed on the way in, I'm going golfing, and my wife's giving a lawn party."