Best Jokes

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were debating whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said: “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Similarly when I get good cards, the dealer isn’t responsible. So why should I tip him?”

The dealer countered: “When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?”

“Er, yes.”

“Well, he serves you food, and I’m serving you cards, so you should tip me.”

“Fair enough,” said the player, “but the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight...”

Teacher: Railroad crossing at the track. How many R's in that?

Little Johnny: There are no R's in 'that'.