Best Jokes

I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down and I turned off the lights.

Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.

Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."

"The letter 'W' is the most dangerous alphabet in the world. Because all worries start with 'W'.... Who, Why, What, When, Which, Whom, Where, War, Wine, Whisky, and Wealth."

"You're forgetting one."

"Really? Which one?"

"Wife!"

My wife just called me pretentious.

I was so surprised my monocle fell out.