In the zoo, a giraffe, talking to a buffalo says, “Yeah, I know. They can totally get out but they choose to hang around.”
A seal says a walrus, “That’s right. I’ve seen the big hairy one crawling under the bushes outside the gate.”
A woodchuck says to a prairie dog, “I saw it chew up all the grass. I think we might be related somehow. Maybe cousins.”
Opposite the animals, eating their lunch, one landscaper says to the other, “I wonder if they talk to each other?”
Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance.
During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield:
"Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!"
Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Cessna 3798G is unfamiliar with the area, requests directions to the airport.
Tower: Cessna 3798G, Turn right to a heading of 360 for about 8 minutes, then left 270 for another 3 minutes, then to a heading of 170 and the airport will be 12 o’clock in 5 minutes, cleared to land runway 17.
Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Isn’t that the airport at 12 o’clock?
Tower: Yes! You can actually continue your current course and land on runway 26, airport is 12 o’clock, 8 miles!!
Pilot: Then why did you have me going the long way around the airport?
Tower: Because you asked for directions, not the quickest route.
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."