Best Jokes

After a long day of shopping, my daughter and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my daughter there waiting for me.

"Honey," I said, "what are you doing in here? I left the motor running."

"It's all right, Mom," she replied reassuringly. "I locked the doors."

When I stepped on the scale at my doctor’s office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds.

“Why don’t you just take off that last four?” I joked to the nurse’s aide as she made a notation on my chart.

A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart.

“I see you’ve lost weight,” he said. “You’re down to... 14 pounds???”

A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”

“When did these start?”

“Next Thursday.”