Best Jokes

Q. What did it mean when the vampire saw himself in the mirror?
A. It meant he died.

Q. So how did the vampire die?
A. He accidentally ordered “stake” and eggs at the silver bullet cafe.

Q. So where do vampires go when they die?
A. Actually they reincarnate and go to work for the government.

Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and proceeded to berate the caddy on the tee telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he under estimate his game.

Giving in, the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it folled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee.

Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one heck of a putt..."

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.

She said, “Wear your own then.”