After his marriage broke up, my manager became very philosophical. "I guess it was in our genes," he sighed.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Her sign is the one for earth. Mine is the one for water. Together we made mud."
Little Johnny goes to the local Farm & Ranch store to buy bird feed.
The salesperson ask how many birds does he have?
Little Johnny replies, "None, I want to grow some."
My daughter was working for the American Embassy in Australia when she was expecting her first child. I was so happy when she texted me with the news.
"I'm a grandfather!" I said to my coworkers.
"When was she born?" somebody queried.
Recalling the date she told me, I thought for a minute and said in a calm voice, "Tomorrow!"
A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. “I’m sorry,” said the bartender, “but I can’t serve you.”
“Why not?” asked the snake.
“Because you can’t hold your drink.”