When a man opens the car door for his wife, it means one of two things...
It's either a new car or a new wife!
Child: "Mom, may I have a bicycle for my birthday?"
Mom: "Will it make you behave any better if I do?"
Child: "No, but I’ll behave over a wider area."
Doctor: "Have you been drinking fluids?"
Patient: "Jeez, Doc, that's literally all I drink."
What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You get a really scared mailman!