Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.
Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice. I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.
"You won't believe this," she said, "but there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!"
A husband who has been working out as per his new years resolution says to his wife, "Honey, I think I took on too much for a beginner. I've decided to break up my workout."
"Oh?" his wife asked, "How's the new work-out divided up?"
The husband confidently replied, "Half for you and half for me."
One day, these two men we're playing a round of golf. Two women were playing in front of them very slowly. The first guy turns to his friend and says, "Hey, I'm going to to ask those ladies if they mind letting us play ahead."
He begins walking over, stops halfway, and returns, saying, "We've got a problem. One of those women is my wife, the other is my mistress."
His buddy replies, "That's okay, I'll go talk to them."
He walks over and promptly returns. "Well," he says, "looks like we've got the same problem."
I wonder why scissors comes in packages that you need them to open them?