A mother asked her little boy what he’d learned that day in Sunday school. He said it was about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly.
Mother: "Really?"
Little Boy: "Yes. Gladly, the cross I’d bear."
A man recently volunteered to perform a parachute jump for charity. The first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
"How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one new jumper.
"A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
The jumper thought about this for a while before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
A father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents’ Day, and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab.
“What are you working on, son?"
“A universal solvent,” explained his son. “A solvent that’ll dissolve anything."
His father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, “What will you keep it in?”
A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says, "Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about saying things that don't come out the way we meant them to?"
The psychiatrist replies, "You mean Freudian slips?"
"Exactly, those. Well, I had the most amazing one last night. I was eating dinner with my husband, and I meant to say, 'Honey, could you please pass the salt,' but instead I said, 'You damn fool, you ruined my life.'"