Latest Jokes

"Well, what seems to be the problem?" asked the clock repair man.

"It's my grandfather clock. It used to go tic toc, tic toc, tic toc. Now, it just goes tic, tic, tic, tic, tic," replied the young lady.

"Hmmm, I think I can fix this," he says. He opens the door on the clock, looks at it, and then says to the lady, "Don't worry, we have ways of making it toc!"

Grandma left the stove on and the pan was burnt. I asked her if she had a timer she can use, as to not forget in the future

"NO! Don't you dare go there! I don't have that," she said, shaking her fist at me.

"No, no, Grandma, I said 'A timer'!"

Two elderly women had been friends for over forty years. Each one was losing their hearing. Minnie asked, "Are you going to be home today?"

"Yes, as far as I know," replied her friend, Adie.

"Good I have a gift for you."

"Esther Price?" Adie asked.

Knowing Minnie loved Esther Price candy, she assumed the gift was candy. As the day wore on, Minnie finally arrived with a book on Smoothies. Adie was confused. "I didn't know Esther Price sold books?"

"They don't."

"But this morning you said they did."

"Oh, I thought you said, 'That's nice.'"

NEW!!! In Safeway Stores Everywhere... Google brand cell phones in a can!

You can find them in aisle '6' next to the latest I-Phone '7'.

'Generic' SD Memory Cards can be found in the 'pharmacy'.

Phone 'chargers' can be found, where else, but in 'Automotive' Department.

To Activate: Read directions carefully on cell phone can. When Google wrote the activation directions, he must have temporarily lost his own 'memory card'. So directions may be quite erratic and hard to follow. Good luck!