Latest Jokes

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, "My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a poem, they give him $100."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a song, they give him $200."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Joe and Mark, two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and refreshments. At the end of the party, they both went outside.

Joe crossed the street, while Mark wandered into a subway entrance. When Joe came back, he noticed Mark emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where did you go?" Joe asked enthusiastically.

"I don't know," gushed Mark, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

What did the trash compactor say to the wine bottle?

"I've got a crush on you!"

A guy and his dog went into a bar. The guy tells the bartender, named Rafe, that his dog is the smartest dog in the world. Rafe tells the guy to prove it.

Guy: What's the bartenders name?
Dog: Rafe!

Guy: What's the thing that covers a house?
Dog: Roof!

Guy: What is the opposite of smooth?
Dog: Rough!

Guy: Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?
Dog: Ruth!

Then Rafe kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar because he's had enough of their trickery. When outside the bar, the dog says to the guy, "I think I know what went wrong. I should have said 'Mantle'!"