Latest Jokes

A fantastic new series of billboard ads are now displaying along several highways, encouraging drivers to slow down. The billboards read:

Being "Mister Late" is always better than being the "Late Mister".

During a test, the college professor noticed that a married student, who was quite pregnant, kept rubbing her side. After class, before she left, the teacher asked her, "Are you okay? I noticed you were holding onto your side."

"Oh, I'm fine," the student answered. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little."

"Well, that's good," the professor said, feeling relieved.

"Yes," she continued. "It's strange. He normally sleeps during your class too."

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks. "Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this. Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

Jacob, age 85, and Rebecca, age 79, were all excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way home they passed by a drugstore. Jacob suggested that they go in. Doing so, he addressed the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answered: "Yes."

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "What about sugar diabetes. We both got bad cases."
Pharmacist: "Oh, but of course. You name it with that condition and we have the works."

Jacob: "You have loose bladder and gas pills?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, there are lots of those with plenty of generics."

Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."