Latest Jokes

A girl was visiting her friend who had acquired two new dogs, and she asked what their names were. The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLOOOOO," answered the friend. "They're watch dogs!"

Marvin has a binging problem which happens to him every year the day after Thanksgiving.

"Why must you gorge yourself on leftovers?" his wife asked. "Don't you have any self-control?"

"What are you worried about?" Marvin replied. "I can quit cold turkey!"

Did you hear about the angry fly that sat on the toilet seat all day long?

He finally got peed off.

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Bill Brown as a drug dealer. He is hiding drugs in his firewood."

"We will check it out."

Next day, the FBI come over to Brown's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no drugs, and leave. The phone rings at Brown's house. "Hello, Bill! Did the FBI come?"

"Yes."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable garden plowed up."