My wife curiously noticed that every time it was my turn to put the kids to bed they fall asleep in minutes.
I told her that when I play my guitar it works like magic putting kids to sleep.
She said I must be exceedingly talented because it works just like that with her as well.
What do you call a Broadway production performed on a huge scrabble board?
A play on words!
The economy is terrible. At the beginning of the year, the politicians promised things would improve by the last quarter...
Well, I'm down to my last quarter and they haven't improved!
Waitress: Haven't they giving you a menu yet, mister?
Starving customer: Yes, but I finished that half an hour ago.