A dog and a chicken walked into a bar. The bartender started to laugh...
The dog leaned over and whispered in the chicken’s ear, "Do you still have the ALCU on speed dial? I think we have a case here!"
After and exhaustive search for an apartment in New York City a man had just arrived at the last possibility listed in the paper. He asked a lady in the lobby where he might find suite number 803.
She replied obviously your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top so…
The man interrupted her before she could say another word and replied sharply, lady, its obvious you’re rude. She left in a huff!
He saw another woman enter the building so he asked her the same question.
She answered by saying; if you’re going to 803 you’ll need to walk the last flight of stairs because the elevator only goes to the seventh floor. Oh, and I see you met Mrs. Stanley; she owns the building.
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
How many bureaucrats does it take to put in a light bulb?
Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other inserts the bulb into the water faucet.