Latest Jokes

What did the mortician say when his assistant suddenly quit on him?

"Go ahead, it's your funeral!"

What did Mike Tyson's parents say when he told them that he wanted to be a boxer?

"Go ahead, knock yourself out!"

Don't ever tell a Doctor that you have the Bubonic Plague...

They'll look at you like you have the plague or something!

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going, and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

He questioned her as to why and she told him, "I just found out that I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."

He pondered for a while, went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch with his wife. She said, "And just where do you think you are going?"

He replied, "I'm going too."

"Why?" she asked.

He said, "I want to see how you're going to live on $800 a year."