Latest Jokes

Stand-Up Comedian: "You should have seen my show last night. It was standing room only."

Stand-Up Comedian's Friend: "Oh yeah? You were that good?"

Stand-Up Comedian: "That, and the fact that some thieves stole all the chairs out of the club the night before."

A customer to the bartender, as he tries to convince him that he is not drunk... "I feel more like I do now than I did when I came in here!"

Sitting on the couch waiting for dinner, I thought I heard the wife ask which did I want for dinner, "beef, chicken or fish?"

Since it had been a while since I had any, I replied, "fish!"

Apparently that was the wrong answer. The reply I got was that I was getting "soup" as she was talking to the cat.

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married ten years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."

The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

The first one replied, "Oh, no. Not in the slightest."

"You must be a saint!" commented the second.

To which the first woman replied, "Why should I object? A lot of people don't like their own cooking."