Latest Jokes

Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears .

Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your pain.

Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.

But fart just one time...

Experienced ice fisher has spent an hour at his fishing hole but is not having luck. He sees a kid sitting nearby on the ice pulling in one fish after another out of the water with his pole. Finally the older gentleman trudges over to the kid and asks him, "I've been watching ya kid, what's your trick?"

The kid mumbles with his lips tightly clamped shut, "M-mmm-mmmm-mmm." When asked again the gentleman gets the same response, "M-mmm-mmmm-mmm." Only this time with more emphasis.

Upon asking the third time the kid spits out a glossy sticky worm into his hand and says, "Ya gotta keep your worms warm!"

The circus was in town and Stanislaus and Oleg were the featured act. While Oleg walked across the high wire without a net, Stanislaus would balance on Oleg's shoulders, all the while juggling 5 balls at once. A few minutes before they were to go on, Oleg called for the ringmaster. It seems Oleg had become deathly ill by eating some bad sushi and would have to cancel tonight's performance.

"You'd better tell Stanislaus," Oleg said. Walking into Stanislaus' dressing room, the ringmaster got right to the point. "Stanislaus, I have some bad news. You won't be doing your act tonight."

"Why not?"

"You don't have Oleg to stand on!"

Three men appear in court, on charges of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. The judge asks the first defendant, "What were you doing?"

"Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond."

The judge asks the second gentleman, "And what were you doing?"

"I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."

"Sounds harmless," says the judge. He turns to the third person, "And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?"

"No, sir. I AM Peanuts!"